Wednesday, March 11

goals, goals, goals

wanna keep these on the record.
at least i'll have a reminder in black and white.

1. save.

ive had this savings account that i wanted to dedicate for emergency/child fund.
i did saved up for a moment, but before i know it almost all the money's gone.
better start saving up again ASAP.

2. pay debts

i have credit card debts. im not ashamed to admit it. (well, slightly. )
you can't blame me. im a single mom and my pay sucks.
sometimes i ran out of cash. it happens. and it happens a LOT.
so where do you think i ran to? the magic card.
but im gonna pay off those debts before its too late. hopefully.

3. lose weight, be healthy, stay fit

again, im a single mom. and my baby is two years old.
and i can't even begin to imagine if something not good will happen to me.
gotta do it. and besides, a lighter and sexier me looks much better right? :D

okey. that will be all for NOW.
il get back to you when i can think of some more.
as if these 3 are not enough... :D

goodluck to me!

Tuesday, March 10

this is one of those times.

i always blab about the things i love
about being a mom and the things that
changed when i became one. but i realized,
all this time i've been brushing off the things
that i missed and missed out.
the things that i should be doing,
the things that i could've done,
and the things that i could do
if i didn't become one.

one of these things is traveling.

every now and then i hear stories from
relatives, friends, classmates, and
acquaintances about their journeys
around the country and around world.
they show off pictures, videos, souvenirs
and memories from these travels.

some of them get to work at far and
foreign places, experiencing other cultures,
meeting other people, learning new things,
exploring new things, experiencing
anything and their lives.

then i look at myself.
i think of the things i have done
things that i haven't accomplished
things that ive wanted to do
places that ive wanted to go
experiences that ive wanted to go through.

and i sigh.

i realized i missed out on a LOT of things.
and i admit, i envy them. i honestly do.
especially when im feeling lonely. and
alone. and tired. and stressed. and pissed.
i just can't help but be envious of them.

their capacity to make rush decisions for
themselves (and for themselves alone). to
travel. to see things. to explore things. to
live their dreams. to go for what they love.

i know what i am and where i am now was
MY move. i know things would've been
different if ive done things differently.

but then i realize, God has bigger (and
smarter) plans. plans that we didn't realize
that are perfect for us. he sees the bigger
picture while we focus on a spot. we view
what we thought is the end, when God
knows it was only a bend. and with that,
these feelings start to go away. not totally
though, but it fades. slowly. (at least until
im stressed again. ugh)

but in spite of all these, i still realize that
nothing in the world will make me regret
having my son. even the things i missed
out, the experiences i won't go though,
places i may never go to, and a life i may
never live.

'coz now, no matter how dull and plain
life is, i would never ever trade it
for the world.

and maybe that's what l-o-v-e is all about.
and sacrifice.
i may not have experienced the romantic
(or intimate) version of it, but i know i
have it in me...and not anywhere else.

ps: but hey, im 24. WE CAN still go places.
things might be more complicated in our
case but we'll never know. mommy just
have to work harder and then, off we go! :D

Tuesday, March 3

so you think you won?

you know how some people say that in
every breakup there's always a winner
and a loser?

maybe there really is.

sometimes you feel--and you just know--
that you ARE the luckiest and happiest
person on earth.

and it feels like you did win.

but on some days when shit happens,
you just feel otherwise.

sadly. this is one of those days.


Get it started!


i don't know when. or how.
but i know i'll get it started.
and im gonna get it started SOON.

so please, just stay with me.
coz trust me, im gonna need ALL the help (and encouragement) i can get.

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