Tuesday, March 10

this is one of those times.

i always blab about the things i love
about being a mom and the things that
changed when i became one. but i realized,
all this time i've been brushing off the things
that i missed and missed out.
the things that i should be doing,
the things that i could've done,
and the things that i could do
if i didn't become one.

one of these things is traveling.

every now and then i hear stories from
relatives, friends, classmates, and
acquaintances about their journeys
around the country and around world.
they show off pictures, videos, souvenirs
and memories from these travels.

some of them get to work at far and
foreign places, experiencing other cultures,
meeting other people, learning new things,
exploring new things, experiencing
anything and everything...living their lives.

then i look at myself.
i think of the things i have done
things that i haven't accomplished
things that ive wanted to do
places that ive wanted to go
experiences that ive wanted to go through.

and i sigh.

i realized i missed out on a LOT of things.
and i admit, i envy them. i honestly do.
especially when im feeling lonely. and
alone. and tired. and stressed. and pissed.
i just can't help but be envious of them.

their capacity to make rush decisions for
themselves (and for themselves alone). to
travel. to see things. to explore things. to
live their dreams. to go for what they love.

i know what i am and where i am now was
MY move. i know things would've been
different if ive done things differently.

but then i realize, God has bigger (and
smarter) plans. plans that we didn't realize
that are perfect for us. he sees the bigger
picture while we focus on a spot. we view
what we thought is the end, when God
knows it was only a bend. and with that,
these feelings start to go away. not totally
though, but it fades. slowly. (at least until
im stressed again. ugh)

but in spite of all these, i still realize that
nothing in the world will make me regret
having my son. even the things i missed
out, the experiences i won't go though,
places i may never go to, and a life i may
never live.

'coz now, no matter how dull and plain
life is, i would never ever trade it
for the world.

and maybe that's what l-o-v-e is all about.
and sacrifice.
i may not have experienced the romantic
(or intimate) version of it, but i know i
have it in me...and not anywhere else.

ps: but hey, im 24. WE CAN still go places.
things might be more complicated in our
case but we'll never know. mommy just
have to work harder and then, off we go! :D

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