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ME? getting married?!? hmmm...

warning: emo post ahead... =) you have been warned.

every now and then people would ask me,
"don't you wanna get married someday?"
and almost all the time, they won't get a straight answer.

oftentimes, i would give them some long, excruciating
details why i don't ever want to get married.
and sometimes i would tell them some of the many
reasons why i want and need to get married.
but most of the time, all they can get from me is some
form of body language...

a sigh
a nod
a confused look
a wink
a raised eyebrow
rolling eyes (my faverit)

or simply a shrug.

'coz no matter what type of body language i used in a particular time,
i realized that at the end of of the day, the real answer all comes down to...

I DON'T KNOW.

you know, God has blessed me with so many things.
some of them were great, while the rest are just what others
would consider petty stuff.

but for me, life is so good right now.
of course there are STILL those times
that i get pissed off with this or got freaked off by that.
but i didn't care. at least not for long.
trust me, almost ALL the time i worry about
cash and food and (future) school and stuff.
and on some random emo moments i worry and find
myself lonely and unloved.

but then when i look up,i see a roof over my our heads and
around us is a loving family for E, i dunno. but during these
times i just find it hard to complain.

i mean, OF COURSE there are still times that i longed and
wished and hoped for a man* to sweep me off my (calloused) feet. ;)

...a man to sit beside me while we take pictures of E and his firsts
...a man to hold E's hands and guide him while he learns how to bike
...a man to taste and fall inlove with the recipes that i'll make
...a man to hold my hand everytime i cross the street
...a man who'll hold E while they run up to me when i come home
...a man to kiss me on the cheek, call me at work and hold me
in his arms while we sleep
...a man who'll grow old with me

...and a man who'll look into my eyes and whisper those 3 words...

trust me, i can go on and on with this but i wouldn't 'coz i know
you got my point. :D

what im trying to say is that, there are those times that i do want a man.
and even more times that i need a man.

but don't get me wrong. i didn't say that i needed a man to
MAKE ME HAPPY.
what i need is a man to share MY HAPPINESS with. to share the joys,
the pains and everything about life itself.

so if you'll ask me again, do i wanna get married someday?
still, i don't know.

E is my top priority so unless i find a man who would love and take
good care of E (and me) and who would truly respect me and would
stand up for me and be true to me and would make us laugh (hard!)
and sweep us off our feet, maybe i won't be getting married. ever.

maybe im (we're) better off without another man.

but still, i don't know. WE"LL NEVER KNOW... =)

*if u noticed, i used "man" instead of "guy" or "boy" or sumtin', it
is because that is EXACTLY what i need/want...a REAL MAN. hehe

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